Thursday 20 February 2014
Thursday 6 February 2014
Trust God, Get Going
2014 started off with the wrong rhythm. First, I messed up a friendship that I treasured a lot. Until a point when that person asked me, "What is wrong with you?"
My life group leader once told me that I should never use that phrase on any girl. I disregarded his advice and told him I'm always joking when I say that, and that most people can take it. I never expected a day when I can be hurt so much by a phrase which I always jokingly use. Fury filled my heart for that one second, followed by immense sorrow and disappointment. To think of all the things that I've done and sacrificed with or without that person's knowledge, I wonder why I was so stupid to care so much. Perhaps God wants to teach me the meaning of unconditional love? I'm lost.
Prayers after prayers went unanswered. Still unanswered. My faith has never been shaken ever since the day I proclaimed Jesus as my Lord and Savior. While it's true that sometimes I doubt His timing, I've never failed to believe that God is good and He will provide. Yet somehow this time, somewhere in the midst of all the mess, I doubt if God really knows what is best for me. The crazy homework at school doesn't help at all in my situation. Tonight I told my life group leader, I'm really tired. Life group has become a routine for me, I don't know where I'm going. Life is a mess. I'm lost. Really lost this time. Lost my purpose, lost my motivation in studying, lost my eagerness to build friendships, lost my heart to care and love people.
I once told myself to let go, and to let God. Someone told me something different - Trust God, Get Going. Indeed, I don't know where I will end up at, who I will end up with, or what kind of life I will end up having. I realized trusting God and obeying God are two very different things. Right now I don't have a lot of wishes. I only hope I can have that childlike faith again. God, if You're listening, teach me how to love You once again. If I managed to do it before, I can do it again.
My life group leader once told me that I should never use that phrase on any girl. I disregarded his advice and told him I'm always joking when I say that, and that most people can take it. I never expected a day when I can be hurt so much by a phrase which I always jokingly use. Fury filled my heart for that one second, followed by immense sorrow and disappointment. To think of all the things that I've done and sacrificed with or without that person's knowledge, I wonder why I was so stupid to care so much. Perhaps God wants to teach me the meaning of unconditional love? I'm lost.
Prayers after prayers went unanswered. Still unanswered. My faith has never been shaken ever since the day I proclaimed Jesus as my Lord and Savior. While it's true that sometimes I doubt His timing, I've never failed to believe that God is good and He will provide. Yet somehow this time, somewhere in the midst of all the mess, I doubt if God really knows what is best for me. The crazy homework at school doesn't help at all in my situation. Tonight I told my life group leader, I'm really tired. Life group has become a routine for me, I don't know where I'm going. Life is a mess. I'm lost. Really lost this time. Lost my purpose, lost my motivation in studying, lost my eagerness to build friendships, lost my heart to care and love people.
I once told myself to let go, and to let God. Someone told me something different - Trust God, Get Going. Indeed, I don't know where I will end up at, who I will end up with, or what kind of life I will end up having. I realized trusting God and obeying God are two very different things. Right now I don't have a lot of wishes. I only hope I can have that childlike faith again. God, if You're listening, teach me how to love You once again. If I managed to do it before, I can do it again.
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