Who Am I?

For a long long time, I have been searching for my identity without even realizing that I am doing it. For years, I have lived my life doing things and being a person that I don't even know of. But when realization hits me hard in my face, I know how great a person I can be, if I want to be.

Studying sociology can spark my imagination. My thoughts. When role play comes into my mind, I thought of myself as a spark. A spark that ignites people's lives.

I am a son of God. I am a son of my parents. A student. A brother. A friend. An artist. A photographer. A mechanical engineer to be. A listener. An observer. A gamer. A badminton player. A futsal player. A basketball player. A church member. A Facebook active member. A reader. A dreamer. A late night blogger.  Once a boyfriend. Now a stranger. Once a hater. Now a lover. Once a naughty little boy. Now a mature young man. Sometimes I have multiple roles, but I guess I cope well.

Every single day, I am doing something. If I manage to learn a craft or a skill per day, in one year I will be able to master 365 skills. If I watch a movie per day, I will be able to learn 365 lessons in life. But of course, some movies have nothing worth to learn. If, and only if. Yes, I am a dreamer. But I also live my dreams, like there is no tomorrow. Once a thinker, always a thinker.

There are things that are meant to be let go. I now understand. It doesn't mean like if you hold on to it, it will be yours. If it wants to be set free, it's always better to have it its way. There won't be much difference, just the feelings. And that doesn't matter as well I guess. At the end of the day, a person might just be a visitor in your life, and sooner or later you will find someone who is willing to stay forever, not just rent the house, but buy it, and invest in it, like there is no other.

This semester is so free. I came to realize that I have practically wasted every single day in this semester, except from the trip to Cameron. But at least I chat with people. I share my thoughts, I counseled a number of people. Having no Campus Alive meeting is just so terrible. I feel like I am doing nothing in God's ministry. Reaching out to people is so hard. But by God's grace, I will always try. Yeap, be optimistic.

I don't know why I am sleeping so late nowadays. 3 a.m. seems early to me. Sleep at 5, wake up at 3 p.m. Weird. Something wrong with my body clock? But I think I can sleep if I want to. Sigh...guess that being awake in the morning doesn't feel that good. So might as well just be awake when there is no people around. That way, I can do anything, post anything, say anything I like. I smurfing love you and miss you now :')

Well, I don't know what I am crapping now. Just typing non-stop. I think I can be a writer too. Oh yeah, write about some life experiences of mine that no one has ever had. I once wrote my life experience, but that story will remain with someone else. Who will I write it to next time? Hopefully the next time, will also be my last time. It's so hard to recall all those memories hidden in the deepest corners in my brain. God knows how difficult it is to lie down and thinking hard about the past. But sometimes, I guess things that I do, are not really worth it. Sometimes I feel like I wasted my time, but well, I guess it will prove itself a right thing to do one day. I hope.

Time flies. August is gonna be here real soon. How will the place I head off to be? How are the people there? No idea. But I guess it will be a brand new experience. I have a feeling that I will be really, really busy. Hopefully I can steal some time to chill out somewhere isolated. With some close friends? Haha, gonna have some nice days ahead. Chicago, LA, New York... Places that I want to visit. Better don't get culture shock though. Weeee~

Took a great photo in my trip to Cameron Highlands. One of my best shots anyway. Not just the timing, but also the meaning behind. A caterpillar, and a butterfly. I remembered I used the metamorphosis of a caterpillar in my first introductory speech in INTEC. The change. The transformation. Throughout my life, I slowly realize that life is not so much about the destination. It's the journey that counts. It's not about the end products. It's about the process. The ongoing process, as we learn and absorb, as we see and listen, as we appreciate everyone that is around us. Parents, friends. Even enemies. The transformation when you get to let go of all your hatred. All your sorrow. All your worries. You know that you're flying. How do I know? Because I am flying high now :)

Midvalley Visitations

Went to Midvalley twice for the PcExpo - Pc Fair. There is a promotion going on for Seagate 500GB USB3.0 hard disks. One hard disk for RM 149. Three of my friends asked me to buy for them, since they have gone back to their hometowns. The promotion starts at 11 a.m. for three consecutive days. Only 70 hard disks at that price every day. Miss that, and one has to pay RM199. The first day, I reached at 11:30. No more promotional price. So I decided to come back earlier again the next day. Managed to persuade three of my friends to follow and help me. Photostated the coupons as well. Too bad things didn't go according to my plan. KTM was late, and the situation worsened when the KTM that we took broke down. The suffocating moments when we had to stay in the densely packed couch with the engine down for 20 minutes.  In the end we had to switch to another train, and we reached there at 11:30a.m. Again, no more promotional price. Feel bad for my friends, feel bad for myself for having to go through all these without even reaching my goal. Sigh..too tired at the moment. Going to Midvalley twice really is killing. The journey, the time... But feeling good because I managed to eat Snowflake and Chatime, plus an X.O Seafood Fried Mee Hun. Bought a headphone, a mouse and a memory card for my camera. Broke. :(

Day 2 at Cameron Highlands

Went on a tour around Cameron Highlands. Visited a tea farm belonged to Boh's Company. Went up Mount Brinchan merely for the scenery. Strawberry farm after that, followed by a trip to a waterfall led by an aborigin. Used sumpit for the first time in my life. Ate steamboat tonight. The best part of the trip probably. The fellowship, the chattering, the bond. Soon, we will part. Wondering how will my feelings be that time...

 Steamboat for dinner

Day 1 at Cameron Highlands

Woke up at 6:30 a.m., started moving at 7 to KL Central, and reached Cameron Highlands at 2:30 p.m. The weather is not really cold then. Checked into our apartment and went out immediately. Went to the town and walked around, searching for our lunch. Ended up walking a big round and ate our lunch at a Chinese restaurant. After that, we went to The Lord's Cafe to have our tea. Forgot what the thing was called. It's bread with butter and strawberry cream. All the girls liked it, but I choked while I was eating it. Went to buy some breads for tomorrow morning, and then went to the night market there. Looked around for food again, and ate some kuew tiao goreng and some other fried things. I think my sore throat will worsen tomorrow. My body is feeling hot again after bathing, even though it's so cold at night. Guess we will just stay in our rooms and chit-chat tonight.

A random shot taken on the bus

Teatime

Visited a shop that sells flowers

Life is Great

Life is great. Three words. Simple, yet sophisticated. There are so many problems in life, so how is it possible for us to say the three words so easily? But when we think back, when we are at the crests of our lives, we always manage to say "life is great" without much of an effort. When we are at the troughs, why are we weeping? There are so many great things in our life; we just have to discern them from the problems that blind us. Be glad for the blessings, and not to blame for the problems. Life is great.

Untitled.

For the first time, a movie made me cried. I forgot how many times I cried, but i guess I am just finding a medium to release my own feelings. So hard is it to let the feelings go, that I know deep inside that I can never really do so.

How do you look at the girl that you love, and tell yourself that it's the time to walk away?  ~The Vow.

The Hardest Thing on Earth

The hardest thing on earth, is to change people's mind. How hard is it to get people to join a fun trip to cameron highlands. I mean, logically, it should be fun. The place is nice, the weather is cool.. Sigh, why is it that hard? People in my gang are segregated into a few smaller gangs. This did not exist last year. Why are things changing? Why do people change? I got tired of asking people to go, so in the end, yeah, I give up. Go if you want to, don't go if you don't want to. Save money if you want to, don't save if you don't want to. Stay in your hostel. Stay in your home. Stay wherever you are. Zzz... Come to think of it, I am not even the person who is organizing this. Why should I care? I feel like I am trying to mend a hole whose size I don't even know of. Something untouchable. Something abstract. What am I trying to do? Sigh.

Blocked.

I couldn't really believe it. She blocked me from her blog. That's the last thing that I want to hear. Yet, that is the fact. Well, that is it then. It all comes to an end. Forgive, and FORGET.

Summary of The Holiday

So, I didn't manage to achieve all the things that I have planned beforehand. In fact, I only did number 1 and 2. Pathetic isn't it? But well, I think my album of Sibu is quite a success. Manage to promote Sibu and show my friends my beloved hometown. It might be small, but it's definitely a nice place to stay in.

And well, summer semester kicked off with a boring lecture. Guess I will be really free this two months. Not really sure what to do. But yeah, gonna try to fill my time with some beneficial things. Mother's Day is coming soon. Still figuring out how to make the Mother's Day card.

Something random. I finally let go. Holding on is tiring. I guess it's time to take a long, long rest. Meanwhile, I hope I can plunge deeper into my faith. Gonna learn how to entrust everything into God's hands, and when I say everything, it means everything. Even if things and people around me are changing, one thing will remain unchanged. Even if the whole world collapses, one thing will remain standing. My faith.