Life in the United States

I like to leave my blog dormant, or so I realized. It's been a while. Life in the United States has been really busy. So busy until a certain point that I thought of packing up everything and leaving this place. Pathetic huh? I mean, being under a scholarship, with unlimited opportunities in this new piece of land, who will think of doing that? Me.

Took four courses this semester. Statics, Dynamics, Thermodynamics, Differential Equations. Sort of too heavy for me. The workload is killing me. It's no longer like college. And I was forced to accept that I am in one of the top 10 engineering schools in the world. There was a certain point in my life here, that I thought of letting go of everything and change my major, or even just drop everything and go back to Malaysia. Feel like my passion in photography has overtaken my passion in Mechanical. But God has been faithful. I felt motivated through the people and the environment here. Top engineering school's life. Pathetic, yes. But I guess the result will be rewarding.

Throughout my life here in Ann Arbor, I think the most blessed part is the people here. I got to know a guy from Sibu. His name is Jacky. And he is a really great brother, both in real life and in Christ. Driving us everywhere for the past two months, caring about us, helping us in as many ways as he can; I just couldn't thank him enough. Imagine driving out at 2 a.m. just to fetch my friend and I back home. Normal people don't do that. It takes great friendship and love of God to do so. For that I give thanks.

Church life has been great. Church community is exceptionally friendly. Got to know a lot of friends. Even though there is a certain period of depression because of failing grades(trust me it's really bad), God has been my healer and my motivator. He never fails. Awesome huh? Weather is changing. Winter is coming soon. Looking forward to the first snow. Not really sure when is the next time I will write on my blog again. But for any updates, just go to my facebook profile. I am super active there. Hahaha..signing off.

A Very Long Summary, of A Very Long Journey

This, is gonna be a super long post. I guess everyone has the experience of updating their antiviruses after a long time of not updating it. The process will be extremely slow. Likewise, this post. It takes a long time for me to finally have the mood of updating my life journal. And from here I will have a hard time trying to recall what have happened in the past two months.

On the 26th of June, I took a flight to Australia to pay a visit to my bro before I fly to the United States. He is graduating at the end of this year, but I guess I have no chance to attend his convocation. Too bad isn't it? Well, I guess I can only give thanks to be able to at least step foot on that piece of land that I once wished to have my tertiary study on. Australia is a very beautiful place. I won't deny that I prefer the scenery in Australia over that in Malaysia. When I went there, it's winter. And the weather is a bit cold for me, ranging from 5 degree to 20 degree. Still, perhaps it's a good training for my life in the States. Not complaining.

Throughout my 14 days stay in Australia, I came to experience what kind of life my brother has been living in the past nearly-3 years - a life where God is always present, a life of great fellowship with the fellow Christians, a life of endless joy and comfort. To start off with, all his housemates are passionate Christians, and their passion can even go to an extent where they sing worship songs together as they prepare dinner. QUT has four life groups. QUT 1 lifegroup was conducted right inside my brother's apartment unit. However, I was invited to QUT 4 lifegroup, whose meeting is within walking distance too. By coincidence, or rather, God's awesome timing, I was able to attend Hope Church Conference during my stay in Australia. It was an energetic, life impacting conference. Hope Church is a charismatic church by the way. Made a lot, a lot of new friends throughout the conference. Really give thanks for that. Particularly grateful to have my itinerary in Australia planned out by my brother and my close friend Timothy. I had a great time traveling around with both of you, not forgetting all those people who joined us for the trips. Took a thousand plus photos throughout the trip. Hopefully the Camaraderie Photography page in Facebook will be famous one day. To cut the story or narration short, it was really a very interesting trip, and I thank God for the opportunity to experience Him, to make new friends, to travel around, and basically, everything.

Came back to Malaysia and I stayed at my friend, Yen Ming's house at Banting for three days. Planned to have my Visa interview during those three days but then I didn't manage to have the interview scheduled for that time. So in the end I explored Banting under Yen Ming supervision. Lol. Banting is a small town, not really so developed. A lot of palm oil trees in the town; even right outside Yen Ming's house. A lot of beaches too. It's a great experience to stay in a place like this, away from hectic pace of urban life.

Came back home on the 13th of July and rested for a week plus. Ate a lot of the food in my hometown, and did the same things that I usually do whenever I have the chance of coming back. The same old procedures, the same type of local delicacies. Haha.. Met up with my close friends, and had a farewell dinner with them. Said goodbye to three of my close friends, who were and is going to India to further their studies (you get what I mean). All the best to you all. Be a good doctor and dentists. I look forward to meeting with you all again after three years.

Went back to Banting again on the 22nd of July. Had my US visa interview on the 23rd. Thank God everything went smoothly, and I got my Visa on the 24th of July. Attended JPA predeparture talk on the 25th of July. A boring talk about what we should prepare and do before we fly to the United States. Got a lot of money, both US and Malaysia notes. Haha..felt so rich all of a sudden.

Stayed overnight at my friend, Guit Teng's aunty's house after the predeparture talk. Her aunty's husband is the developer of Danga Bay. A very big house it is. Had a great time there with so many girls and no guy at all except me. Sweat.

Went to Ipoh on the 26th of August. Missed our bus again. Somehow missing buses became our trend. We missed the bus from Malacca to Shah Alam during our trip to Malacca a couple of months ago. Anyway, had a great, great time in Ipoh eating and exploring the caves. Stayed up late at night, hanging around at cafes and bar, talking nonstop and playing games. It was a fun-filled trip. Special thanks to the organizer and host, Zheng Fong. Again, my previous housemate/roommate. All the best in the States people. We will meet again :)

Went back to Banting again after the trip, on the 28th. Had the privilege of visiting Yen Ming's church, Banting Methodist Church. It was small, but the people inside are friendly and the bond is strong. Big or small, God's churches are always awesome. Had the pleasure of building up a certain level of relationship with her family throughout the stay, especially her siblings. Felt like being at home due to their similar characteristics as my siblings. Thanks for the food, the hospitality, and again, everything. Haha...

Came back to Sibu again on the 31st of July. Went to Miri on the 1st of August to meet my sister. Not really sure if I will see her again, so the 15-hour journey to and fro was nothing. Haha..be a good teacher la. Teach the students well. And enjoy your life to the fullest. Take care :)

And finally, reached home again on the 3rd of August. It was a tiring journey starting from Australia, but nonetheless, fun and rewarding. Have been home for a week. But in less than a week time, I will be flying to the United States. In the state of ambivalence now. Will try to write another blog post before I fly. Signing off. Weeee.. :)

p.s. All the photos taken throughout my trip are posted in my Facebook profile and also in Camaraderie Photography. Thank you.

Pre-Australia

Time really passes fast. Here I am at LCCT again, waiting for my flight to Australia. Anticipating the photos that I am going to take, the places that I am going to visit, and most importantly, the people that I am going to meet. Gonna be an awesome vacation :)

Malacca Trip, and The Aftermath

So the story goes in such a way that a few weeks after going to Cameron Highlands, we went to Malacca for a two-day trip. 16 people. 4 cameras. One to four? Haha..

Apart from eating, we took a lot of photos. Too many I personally think. It's good to have a few cameras in a trip. I like to browse through others' albums rather than my own. No idea why. That is just me. Malacca is a nice place to walk around. The sky was so blue when we reached there. Such a nice setting for landscape photography. We stayed in an apartment beside the beach. The apartment was large enough for us to go crazy inside. Definitely suitable for 16 friends, of which some are really crazy :P

We ate a lot in Malacca. Visited the Pan & Wok for pork chop. Visited Mille Crepe twice; addicted to the cakes there I think. The cakes were really nice. Jonker Steet was as usual. The usual crowd, and the usual food. Had a very nice fellowship with the gang that night. Thanks to one of my friends, Yen Ming, for thinking of doing such a thing. A session where we talked our hearts out and said what we wanted to say to everyone present. We talked for around 5 hours. A new record I think. Hopefully there was no regret after the trip.

On a different note, I got quite close with a girl lately. From a friend that I seldom talked to, to a friend that I joked and chatted with, to a friend that I pour my heart content to. I am thankful for having a friend that can actually pull me out of my misery. With her, I experienced the feeling of having a Christian girlfriend. Not to say that she is my girlfriend. Still, the feeling is so nice. Having someone so close to you and yet worshiping God at the same time, with the same devoted heart. Aww..the difference is so great. And the best thing is, last time I didn't pray before I eat. Now, due to her influence, praying before I eat becomes a habit. I used to forget to do it, and only do it when I see people doing it. I guess having a relationship with a Christian really makes a difference after all. Well, the story ends here. ATU night tonight. I wonder how it will turn out to be. Camera Ready. Teehee :)

Ice Skating

Life is like ice skating. You fall for uncountable times at the beginning, and you get up every single time, tough and ready for the second fall down. Until one day you get so tired of falling down, that you tell yourself never to fall down again no matter what. At that moment, you make a vow to yourself, to be strong and ignorant of the tribulations and challenges in life, to strive and to never give up, to weather and to never give in. That way, you thrive.

Regret

I just want to find a place to shout my lungs out. Why is it so hard? When I thought I've gotten over it, Bang! It hit me right, it hit me hard, that things are never going to be the same again. I wish we can be friends again, but the thing is, how is it possible for you to act like nothing has happened between us at all? How is it that you can still smile and laugh in front of me like that? How is it that you can let go so easily? In the end I have come to decide that you don't deserve anyone's love. You don't. I wish we have not met. I wish I were not in this position, torn between wanting to forget and wanting to keep. How ridiculous is it that I am being tortured by someone who doesn't even care, who doesn't even realize that as she lives her everyday life happily, someone else is being ripped apart. I really really really regret.

Appreciate

Okay here I come crapping late at night again. Attended Re:Union by Acts Church last night. It was a really amazing conference overall. But I couldn't really understand the front part, where they invited some rock singers who sang songs that I could never catch the words even though I tried really hard. Pastor Kenneth said the performances were to show to all the people how much talents there are in the Kingdom of God. Well, maybe that explains. It was an amazing closing of the three-day conference, and the praise and worship session is by far, the longest that I have attended. The atmosphere was slowly built up little by little until it reached the peak, when the whole Stadium Negara seemed to be shaken by our praise. It was heart moving. It was astounding.

One week of no-class life ends tomorrow. Two assignments to be passed up next week, but I have not touched either of them. So cool. A test coming up, but the same thing applies. I don't even know which chapter is included. That's how messed up Summer Sem is. But well, I guess everything is gonna end in three more weeks. Sigh, time is really passing fast. Not anxious to go to the United States at all. I like the people here. I like the food here. I like the weather here. I like being here. Appreciate, appreciate, appreciate, is all that I can remind myself of. Be grateful for the past, be pumped up for the present, and be hopeful for the future. With faith, hope, and love :)

Who Am I?

For a long long time, I have been searching for my identity without even realizing that I am doing it. For years, I have lived my life doing things and being a person that I don't even know of. But when realization hits me hard in my face, I know how great a person I can be, if I want to be.

Studying sociology can spark my imagination. My thoughts. When role play comes into my mind, I thought of myself as a spark. A spark that ignites people's lives.

I am a son of God. I am a son of my parents. A student. A brother. A friend. An artist. A photographer. A mechanical engineer to be. A listener. An observer. A gamer. A badminton player. A futsal player. A basketball player. A church member. A Facebook active member. A reader. A dreamer. A late night blogger.  Once a boyfriend. Now a stranger. Once a hater. Now a lover. Once a naughty little boy. Now a mature young man. Sometimes I have multiple roles, but I guess I cope well.

Every single day, I am doing something. If I manage to learn a craft or a skill per day, in one year I will be able to master 365 skills. If I watch a movie per day, I will be able to learn 365 lessons in life. But of course, some movies have nothing worth to learn. If, and only if. Yes, I am a dreamer. But I also live my dreams, like there is no tomorrow. Once a thinker, always a thinker.

There are things that are meant to be let go. I now understand. It doesn't mean like if you hold on to it, it will be yours. If it wants to be set free, it's always better to have it its way. There won't be much difference, just the feelings. And that doesn't matter as well I guess. At the end of the day, a person might just be a visitor in your life, and sooner or later you will find someone who is willing to stay forever, not just rent the house, but buy it, and invest in it, like there is no other.

This semester is so free. I came to realize that I have practically wasted every single day in this semester, except from the trip to Cameron. But at least I chat with people. I share my thoughts, I counseled a number of people. Having no Campus Alive meeting is just so terrible. I feel like I am doing nothing in God's ministry. Reaching out to people is so hard. But by God's grace, I will always try. Yeap, be optimistic.

I don't know why I am sleeping so late nowadays. 3 a.m. seems early to me. Sleep at 5, wake up at 3 p.m. Weird. Something wrong with my body clock? But I think I can sleep if I want to. Sigh...guess that being awake in the morning doesn't feel that good. So might as well just be awake when there is no people around. That way, I can do anything, post anything, say anything I like. I smurfing love you and miss you now :')

Well, I don't know what I am crapping now. Just typing non-stop. I think I can be a writer too. Oh yeah, write about some life experiences of mine that no one has ever had. I once wrote my life experience, but that story will remain with someone else. Who will I write it to next time? Hopefully the next time, will also be my last time. It's so hard to recall all those memories hidden in the deepest corners in my brain. God knows how difficult it is to lie down and thinking hard about the past. But sometimes, I guess things that I do, are not really worth it. Sometimes I feel like I wasted my time, but well, I guess it will prove itself a right thing to do one day. I hope.

Time flies. August is gonna be here real soon. How will the place I head off to be? How are the people there? No idea. But I guess it will be a brand new experience. I have a feeling that I will be really, really busy. Hopefully I can steal some time to chill out somewhere isolated. With some close friends? Haha, gonna have some nice days ahead. Chicago, LA, New York... Places that I want to visit. Better don't get culture shock though. Weeee~

Took a great photo in my trip to Cameron Highlands. One of my best shots anyway. Not just the timing, but also the meaning behind. A caterpillar, and a butterfly. I remembered I used the metamorphosis of a caterpillar in my first introductory speech in INTEC. The change. The transformation. Throughout my life, I slowly realize that life is not so much about the destination. It's the journey that counts. It's not about the end products. It's about the process. The ongoing process, as we learn and absorb, as we see and listen, as we appreciate everyone that is around us. Parents, friends. Even enemies. The transformation when you get to let go of all your hatred. All your sorrow. All your worries. You know that you're flying. How do I know? Because I am flying high now :)

Midvalley Visitations

Went to Midvalley twice for the PcExpo - Pc Fair. There is a promotion going on for Seagate 500GB USB3.0 hard disks. One hard disk for RM 149. Three of my friends asked me to buy for them, since they have gone back to their hometowns. The promotion starts at 11 a.m. for three consecutive days. Only 70 hard disks at that price every day. Miss that, and one has to pay RM199. The first day, I reached at 11:30. No more promotional price. So I decided to come back earlier again the next day. Managed to persuade three of my friends to follow and help me. Photostated the coupons as well. Too bad things didn't go according to my plan. KTM was late, and the situation worsened when the KTM that we took broke down. The suffocating moments when we had to stay in the densely packed couch with the engine down for 20 minutes.  In the end we had to switch to another train, and we reached there at 11:30a.m. Again, no more promotional price. Feel bad for my friends, feel bad for myself for having to go through all these without even reaching my goal. Sigh..too tired at the moment. Going to Midvalley twice really is killing. The journey, the time... But feeling good because I managed to eat Snowflake and Chatime, plus an X.O Seafood Fried Mee Hun. Bought a headphone, a mouse and a memory card for my camera. Broke. :(

Day 2 at Cameron Highlands

Went on a tour around Cameron Highlands. Visited a tea farm belonged to Boh's Company. Went up Mount Brinchan merely for the scenery. Strawberry farm after that, followed by a trip to a waterfall led by an aborigin. Used sumpit for the first time in my life. Ate steamboat tonight. The best part of the trip probably. The fellowship, the chattering, the bond. Soon, we will part. Wondering how will my feelings be that time...

 Steamboat for dinner

Day 1 at Cameron Highlands

Woke up at 6:30 a.m., started moving at 7 to KL Central, and reached Cameron Highlands at 2:30 p.m. The weather is not really cold then. Checked into our apartment and went out immediately. Went to the town and walked around, searching for our lunch. Ended up walking a big round and ate our lunch at a Chinese restaurant. After that, we went to The Lord's Cafe to have our tea. Forgot what the thing was called. It's bread with butter and strawberry cream. All the girls liked it, but I choked while I was eating it. Went to buy some breads for tomorrow morning, and then went to the night market there. Looked around for food again, and ate some kuew tiao goreng and some other fried things. I think my sore throat will worsen tomorrow. My body is feeling hot again after bathing, even though it's so cold at night. Guess we will just stay in our rooms and chit-chat tonight.

A random shot taken on the bus

Teatime

Visited a shop that sells flowers

Life is Great

Life is great. Three words. Simple, yet sophisticated. There are so many problems in life, so how is it possible for us to say the three words so easily? But when we think back, when we are at the crests of our lives, we always manage to say "life is great" without much of an effort. When we are at the troughs, why are we weeping? There are so many great things in our life; we just have to discern them from the problems that blind us. Be glad for the blessings, and not to blame for the problems. Life is great.

Untitled.

For the first time, a movie made me cried. I forgot how many times I cried, but i guess I am just finding a medium to release my own feelings. So hard is it to let the feelings go, that I know deep inside that I can never really do so.

How do you look at the girl that you love, and tell yourself that it's the time to walk away?  ~The Vow.

The Hardest Thing on Earth

The hardest thing on earth, is to change people's mind. How hard is it to get people to join a fun trip to cameron highlands. I mean, logically, it should be fun. The place is nice, the weather is cool.. Sigh, why is it that hard? People in my gang are segregated into a few smaller gangs. This did not exist last year. Why are things changing? Why do people change? I got tired of asking people to go, so in the end, yeah, I give up. Go if you want to, don't go if you don't want to. Save money if you want to, don't save if you don't want to. Stay in your hostel. Stay in your home. Stay wherever you are. Zzz... Come to think of it, I am not even the person who is organizing this. Why should I care? I feel like I am trying to mend a hole whose size I don't even know of. Something untouchable. Something abstract. What am I trying to do? Sigh.

Blocked.

I couldn't really believe it. She blocked me from her blog. That's the last thing that I want to hear. Yet, that is the fact. Well, that is it then. It all comes to an end. Forgive, and FORGET.

Summary of The Holiday

So, I didn't manage to achieve all the things that I have planned beforehand. In fact, I only did number 1 and 2. Pathetic isn't it? But well, I think my album of Sibu is quite a success. Manage to promote Sibu and show my friends my beloved hometown. It might be small, but it's definitely a nice place to stay in.

And well, summer semester kicked off with a boring lecture. Guess I will be really free this two months. Not really sure what to do. But yeah, gonna try to fill my time with some beneficial things. Mother's Day is coming soon. Still figuring out how to make the Mother's Day card.

Something random. I finally let go. Holding on is tiring. I guess it's time to take a long, long rest. Meanwhile, I hope I can plunge deeper into my faith. Gonna learn how to entrust everything into God's hands, and when I say everything, it means everything. Even if things and people around me are changing, one thing will remain unchanged. Even if the whole world collapses, one thing will remain standing. My faith.

Plans

So, final exam is coming. And after that, one week of holiday. Gonna draft out some plans here. Hopefully I will be able to carry out most of them.

The first thing that I am going to do when I reach Sibu is to get a good, good rest. A rest that can supply me all the energy to do the following things:
1. Make a photo album of the nice places in Sibu.
2. Create a simple webpage for the group that I initiated in my program back in INTEC, known as American-Bound Camaraderie Association (ABCA). Complete the features of the Facebook page of this group.
3. Revamp the Facebook page "Sky Photography".
4. Organize the photo albums on my Facebook profile.
5. Modify this blog.

That's all for the time being. Further spontaneous plans will be carried out on the spot. Praying for a good final exam and a great holiday ahead. Cheers.

Letting Go, Moving On.

Tired of thinking over and over again. Guess I should just let go and let things flow. Not that I have lost that feeling, just that I got tired of trying so hard to hold on. Maybe things are just not meant to be. Letting go is hard, especially when you have sacrificed almost everything and now you got nothing much left. But I guess if this continues nothing will change. Might as well pick myself up and start again from scratch. God, please give me the strength to carry on. Finished countless tests and quizzes. Assignments and presentations coming up next. 2 universities have admitted me so far. 3 more to go. Two of the three, I want to go. Hopefully I can get one of those. If not, I will have a hard time deciding. Sigh, life is always, always about decisions. Who am I going to be? God please show me your great plan.

Tired

It was really tiring to go through the ups and downs in life. But somehow without those tribulations I will never change into a better person. Remaining optimistic is hard especially in times when all odds are against you. But I learnt never to give up hope, because in God there is always, always hope. Going through exams, assignments, video shooting, university application problems, and etc. It's tiring, but building. Hope that this semester will end soon. I really need a break from this hectic life. I miss home.

D90

Have always wanted to have a DSLR. Craved for one ever since I picked up the interest in photography last year. And well, dad bought me one! Couldn't really explain how this feels, especially when he wanted that camera himself last time but ended up he didn't buy. Guess I am feeling a bit guilty. Okay, not just a bit. But well, I will try to coax my siblings into buying another better DSLR for daddy. Haha.. Too bad that camera is at home now. Can't touch it until I go back. Can't wait. At last, a reason for me to smile? Life moves on. Gonna change, change, and change. I believe God will prepare a path for me. A path that no one could ever have imagined. A genuine smile :)

Smile

I wonder, is it really good to smile even if your heart is not doing so? How fake are my smiles? Haha..why is it so hard? :)

An Anniversary

It has been a year. Almost a year I mean. 3131212. I guess this set of numbers will forever remain in my brain. Sometimes, having a good memory is not good. It kills. Maybe it'll feel good to reminisce all those sweet memories, but it's excruciating to have flashbacks of those that can rip your heart open. Only one person will be able to decipher this set of number other than me. One and only one. Happy Anniversary to you.

Goodbye

I guess my heart will never be the same again. It will heal eventually, no doubt. But i guess that particular compartment will forever remain empty for you. Goodbye...

Life moves on...

Untitled.

If it's yours, it will come back; if not, just let it go.

Funny how people always think this is right. It is just a quote, nothing else. In life, quotes are everywhere. But most of them are created by people to console broken souls. More than often, people tend to take things for granted. Once you let it go, it might never come back. Unless you find it back. But I guess you won't be able to.

Magnificent Sunrise

Witnessed the most beautiful sunrise in my life this morning. The streaks of red and yellow and blue made the sky look so wonderful :)

Took this at the balcony outside my dorm.

Took this after I reached my school.

Life Projector

Life is like a projector. Sometimes it flickers, and you'll be checking whether the connections are right. Sometimes it goes off, and you'll be thinking that your life is doomed. But more than often, it experiences a black-out simply because it needs a rest, simply because the bulb is too hot.

Life Journal

Life is a journal. We are never the writers, merely the translator. God is the writer. We can never expect what will happen tomorrow or even the next second, but I believe and have faith in what God has prepared for us. He always does. In the face of difficulty, we always survive. In the face of disasters, we always make it through. Is it by chance? No, I believe not. There are too many miracles around us to be counted as chances. In every single thing that takes place, there is always a purpose behind.

Lost in Between

Too many things bothering with my life at the moment. Regretted not buying my air ticket back for March holiday. At least at home I get to eat sleep and chill. In so many aspects I think I have done enough but the results always show otherwise. I am lost. Lost in between work and life. Sigh...

The Long Lost Blog

Forgotten when was the last time I wrote on my blogspot. Have been a long time. Just don't have the tendency to expose my life to other people. Facebook is enough to stalk people. But with the new timeline, well, no comment. Just finished my calculus test. Kind of rekindles my memory of my life in Secondary school. The once kiasu me, where did you go? INTEC has changed me a lot in this sense. I used to study for exams. Now I read for exams, I understand for applications. Results have not been good, because I sometimes sleep in class. Staying up late for no reason, emoing for no reason, a great life I have. Too many things that I want to do, that I think 24 hours is not enough. Even 48 might not suffice me. Well well well, too many problems for the start of the new year. Looking forward to the days when I can really soar free.

Day 1 Without My Laptop

Well, my laptop was spoilt, and I guess I'll have to wait till the Chinese New Year holiday to bring it back home for repair. It's kind of boring without my laptop, and I don't know what to do. In the end I slept a lot today. From 12p.m. to 12.45p.m. Then from 3p.m to 6p.m. Feel like my life is so free, and I've all the time in the world. Almost finished with my university application. Looking forward to study in the states, not so much to the classes, but rather the place itself. Still suffering from some downness because of my laptop. I'll lost all the things inside if the hard disk is spoilt. All the photos I've taken. Argh..I spent my whole holiday collecting them. The time, petrol, effort. Sigh..hopefully I can retrieve them. Guess I'll sleep early again tonight. Bored.