The King of My Life

Every single time I get tired of my life, the best resort that I have is to turn to God. Listening to worship songs always, always give me that sense of peace, no matter where I am. However down I might be, that tangible touch of the Holy Spirit always energizes me in an amazing way. I'm so thankful to have made You the king of my life :)

A bothered Mind

4:09 a.m. Aiks, not sure if I have the energy to finish writing this, but things need to be explained. Found myself having a lot of problems interacting with girls, to be honest. Maybe it's my own fault. I've so far remained the same naive me, treating people of the opposite gender like how I used to back in high school. Things were so much simpler back then. We can be close while still remaining the status of close friends. Why can't it be the same now? Sigh... So I was close with a few girls. Texted a lot with them. It lasted for quite some time. Then I was approached by my two leaders regarding this issue. What I did after that was to treat them really cold, because I didn't really know what to do. I felt bad lately, and I tried to approach them in a friendly way, with the intention of merely trying to be friends again. Yet they gave me a really cold shoulder. Lol..I don't know what and where I did wrong, but I'm kind of bothered by this matter. Accountability in the church is a good thing, but sometimes I think it brings troubles to me too. I guess at the end of the day, I have to conclude that accountability applies to everyone in a different way. I reacted to my leaders' advice in a wrong way, treating those girls so differently without really explaining things clearly. One thing that I can't understand though, is that they are now reacting as if I'm pleading them to be my friends again. Lol..I feel so pathetic and funny at the same time. I have a lot of friends actually. I can be close to anyone if I want to. Somehow I just have that kind of ability. But I'm trying to balance things out, and not to spend too much time with the same people. That's to say, it doesn't really matter to me if I lose one or two friends. I mean, I would be really happy if we can forget the past and be friends again, but if you don't care, why should I? I feel so stupid saying sorry to you when I actually have done nothing wrong in the first place. Seriously? Ha. Ha.

There's one girl that's special though. Lol... I name her Girl A. The first time I met this girl in my life group, I told my friend Lee Sin, "Eh, that girl is so pretty." I seldom compliment a girl like that in my life, but when I do, I guess she's really pretty. And yes, the first time I met this girl, I thought, "Wow, this girl is beautiful in a very elegant way." She looks like a star to me. Haha..and she still does. Time passed, and our life group members got to know each other more and more. Somehow I got close to Girl A in a brother-and-sister-in-Christ-way, and I found her really interesting. Mature even though she's just 18 years old, disciplined, has her own thoughts and principles, sleeps early(something that I always fail to do), has a nice family background, etc...basically just a very nice girl. Or I would say, one of the few nearly perfect girls that I have met throughout my life. Then somehow I felt like she liked me, and there're a few people who asked me the same thing. I got scared. Not because of the lack of feelings for her or anything of that sort(I believe feelings can be nurtured), but because I think she's of a different league. Haha..a class higher than me. I don't know how to treat a girl like this. I feel like I don't deserve her treating me like this, and so, I resorted to the same way that I treated the other girls - I treated her a bit cold. I felt really bad actually, but I really didn't know what to do. Time passed. A lot of things happened. People changed. And now, I regretted treating those people the way that I treated them. I felt like my life is so messed up, especially in my relationships with people. Trying to reconcile is hard. Even trying to talk to them like friends is hard now, from the way that they respond. Haha..oh God, can I actually love people like how you ask me to? I don't know :(

It's Chinese New Year Eve. First time not being able to celebrate it at home with my family, I feel sad. I mean, who doesn't? Sigh..wish I knew how to teleport. Haha..

Valentine's day. Ooopss..gonna be dating my exam =.=
Deep inside, I wish one day, I can find a girl that is compatible with me. A girl that can do things together with me. Study, travel, take photos, hunt for nice food, jog together, cook together, talk together... Who will that girl be? Fill in the blank.

 Happy Chinese New Year Eve :)

Tired

I'm tired. So tired after taking photos for Ross Asia Business Conference. Had too little sleep in the past few days, added on by the fact that I was fasting for the past two weeks. Had a headache when I woke up this morning. Realized that it's Saturday and the first bus at the back of my house is at 8:45 a.m. I was supposed to reach at 8:30 a.m. Panicked. Checked online and found out that the first bus at Kroger, which is around 15 minutes walk from my house, is at 8:22 a.m. Rushed out of the house in my suit and black shoes, and started climbing the slope in front of my house. A slope covered with snow. My shoes had literally no friction in this kind of condition. Forced myself to crawl all the way up with my bare hands. Ended up with a pair of numb hands. So pathetic. Overall, it wasn't a very good day. Had dinner with life group. It's the last day of fasting, so we broke fast together. During sharing time, I just felt like my life has so many problems. I myself have so many problems. And I feel really worthless. Really tired. Tired of living. Sigh... God I need you. Revive me.

First Time - Event Photographer

Went to Ross Asia Business Conference today. Held the position as an official Event Photographer for the first time in my life. Was a bit nervous at first, worrying that I might screw up. Thank God everything went smoothly, and after a while I managed to grasp the right ways and techniques of shooting in this kind of situation. Wish I could have a full frame DSLR and better lenses though. Anyway, it's really a learning process for me, and I kind of regretted not listening to the speaker as he talked. Seemed like he's quite a famous speaker. I only looked up whenever I heard the word "Malaysia". Haha..typical Malaysian. Gonna be a tiring day tomorrow. Day 2 of conference. God bless me.