During the second last life group of this semester, our leaders gave us an assignment - to answer three questions. I guess the purpose was to encourage us to reflect. But the questions are kind of interesting, so I decide to just answer them here.
1. Who is God?
Well, to me God is above everything, in the middle of everything and under everything. He is above all my imperfections; He is in the center of my life; and He is waiting underneath me to catch me whenever I fall. He is my provider, He is my comforter, He is my King, and at the same time He is my listener. He is always faithful, and He never fails. God is my father, my friend, my lover. He understands me even more than I understand myself, and He knows what's best for me. God is the best author in the world, and the greatest magicians of all time. Nothing is impossible in Him. If I can only use one phrase to describe Him, then "God is God Almighty."
2. Is God trustworthy?
Yes, of course He is. I not just believe so; I know. Throughout my whole life, He has never failed me. And I know He never will. In times of my own failure He always brings something good out of it. In times of success He constantly reminds me of His grace and His faithfulness. If God is not trustworthy, there's no one whom I am trust in this world.
3. Who am I?
Perhaps this is one question that I have some problems with. The thing is, I don't really know how to describe myself. I see myself as different from a lot of people, but in some areas I'm like everyone else. I'm sinful, I'm imperfect, I'm selfish, I'm prideful. Recently I'm confused about my own identity in people's eyes. Too many people know me as a photographer. I used to be known as a smart kid, an all-rounder, a teachers' favorite, a vibrant child, a sport master, etc... Now people just know me as a photographer. In my mind there's this thought: what if I quit photography and strip off my identity as a photographer? Who else can I be? I've dedicated too much time in developing my skills in photography, that I neglected the growth of my other potentials. If one day I really quit photography, I don't think there will be as many people who know me anymore. But at that very moment, I realized my true identity should be a child of God. And if there's nothing else that I'm good at, this is one identity that I shall never lose. It's the best identity that I can have. It's not about me, it's not about what I'm good at, it should always be about Him. And so who am I? I'm a child of God.
Friday 6 December 2013
Sunday 1 December 2013
Total Reflection
Took a few days off during Thanksgiving to do a little bit of reflection. Realized how sinful and imperfect I am as a human being. I'll never be able to reach God's standard. I can never be perfectly faithful to him. Yet in the midst of all this brokenness, I know His grace is enough for me. The sermon this morning spoke right into my heart; or to put it in another way, spoke exactly what's inside my mind as I did my reflection these few days. God doesn't promise us elimination from hardships; but he promises us His presence in times of uncertainty. Even when we're faithless, He remains faithful. And that is enough for me.
End of thanksgiving week. The start of Advent season. Pen off.
Tuesday 26 November 2013
A Story Written by God
Despite having grown so much over the spring and summer semester, I failed again. Humbled by the fact that I will never be a perfect person, I can only turn to God.
I saw how the dots connected with each other. What I did not see was that the dots were leading me to a dead end. I can't say that I was not heartbroken. How could I, when things seemed to fit so well? And I thought I was right. Turned out I wasn't.
Yet the downfall seems to bring me up to another level of maturity. A day of fasting seems to bring me to the addressing of the different issues in my life. Somehow God can always bring life to ruins. And I hold on to my believe that everything happens for a reason.
God I couldn't understand why you brought her into my life. Perhaps I will never know. But I learned so much from her, and maybe that's what you want me to remember. I don't know what kind of story You're writing for me, but I clearly understand that You're the best scriptwriter. And if You're the author of life, why would I doubt Your ability to write? Sometimes I really want to take a peek at the things in the future, but I guess life is more interesting when it's full of surprises. God, heal me and purify my heart. Teach me how to put down my pride and surrender my life into Your hands. Show me Your glory.
I saw how the dots connected with each other. What I did not see was that the dots were leading me to a dead end. I can't say that I was not heartbroken. How could I, when things seemed to fit so well? And I thought I was right. Turned out I wasn't.
Yet the downfall seems to bring me up to another level of maturity. A day of fasting seems to bring me to the addressing of the different issues in my life. Somehow God can always bring life to ruins. And I hold on to my believe that everything happens for a reason.
God I couldn't understand why you brought her into my life. Perhaps I will never know. But I learned so much from her, and maybe that's what you want me to remember. I don't know what kind of story You're writing for me, but I clearly understand that You're the best scriptwriter. And if You're the author of life, why would I doubt Your ability to write? Sometimes I really want to take a peek at the things in the future, but I guess life is more interesting when it's full of surprises. God, heal me and purify my heart. Teach me how to put down my pride and surrender my life into Your hands. Show me Your glory.
Sunday 27 October 2013
A New Responsibility
Officially became the co-leader of a sub-ministry team in the church. DOCS coverage. Basically we take photos and videos, archieve them, and then filter and edit the photos before passing them to the Web team and the Publications team. It has been so long since I actually lead something. Recalling those days in the Boys' Brigade back in secondary school, leading was a natural thing. Got used to following after I left school I guess. It's time to step up and take the lead again. Deep down in my heart, I want to channel everything that I know to all the members in the team. I want to build a powerful DOCS team that can really document and showcase God's work and glory to the world outside the church. God, use me as You will.
Friday 25 October 2013
Post-Drinking
I will probably never drink again.
So I met up with a close friend of mine, and we went shopping at Kroger. He suddenly suggested to buy beer and drink together as we share about our lives. Since I'm already of age, I casually agreed. But I have never liked to drink since I was young. I tried a few types of beer and wine before, and I always regretted drinking afterwards. I thought things might change as time passes. Turned out I was wrong.
Initially we wanted to buy a bottle of red wine because I told him I always added the red wine in Sprite when I was young and it tasted really good. But in the end we decided to buy some apple-flavored drink with just 5% alcohol in it since we need to go to Morning Prayer the next morning. Guess what? My face was red and my head ached after drinking not even half of the bottle. He looked at me with his mouth opened and eventually just laughed. At that moment, what I could think of was just, "I shouldn't have drunk this."
I never thought a little bottle of apple-flavored drink could affect me that much. Maybe there is just something bothering my mind right now. To be honest, I did a really stupid thing lately. And I feel really dumb whenever I think about it. Sigh. When will I ever learn.
Anyway, God's grace is enough. But I will probably never drink again.
p.s. waking up in the middle of the night, and I'm just sitting here not knowing what to do.
So I met up with a close friend of mine, and we went shopping at Kroger. He suddenly suggested to buy beer and drink together as we share about our lives. Since I'm already of age, I casually agreed. But I have never liked to drink since I was young. I tried a few types of beer and wine before, and I always regretted drinking afterwards. I thought things might change as time passes. Turned out I was wrong.
Initially we wanted to buy a bottle of red wine because I told him I always added the red wine in Sprite when I was young and it tasted really good. But in the end we decided to buy some apple-flavored drink with just 5% alcohol in it since we need to go to Morning Prayer the next morning. Guess what? My face was red and my head ached after drinking not even half of the bottle. He looked at me with his mouth opened and eventually just laughed. At that moment, what I could think of was just, "I shouldn't have drunk this."
I never thought a little bottle of apple-flavored drink could affect me that much. Maybe there is just something bothering my mind right now. To be honest, I did a really stupid thing lately. And I feel really dumb whenever I think about it. Sigh. When will I ever learn.
Anyway, God's grace is enough. But I will probably never drink again.
p.s. waking up in the middle of the night, and I'm just sitting here not knowing what to do.
Sunday 20 October 2013
Torrential
One thing that I always fail is probably to update my blog. It's funny how I'm always full of random thoughts but I never care to jot them down. A few months after Spring, I finally decided to come back and drop a post. Hopefully a few years later when I look back, this will be worth it.
So !gnite Conference was awesome. Met with so many people from HMCC Chicago and HMCC Austin. Serving during this conference was so intense, especially when the lighting was so fancy. Of course it looked nice, but taking photos was such a difficult job. Capturing precious moments in the dark...tough. But thank God it was a great Conference. Gained so much from it.
Summer was spent with church community. With nothing to do every day, I just walked around the campus and talking to random people that I know. Went to church almost every day to help with random things. Jogged with CSMP teams for a few times, and even played frisbee with Asia Mission Team once. Haha...such a chill and fun summer. Weather was great, pictures turned out awesome. Officially fallen in love with the community here.
Fall semester started before I realized it. Time passes too fast. Taking 14 credits seems so little, but it is crazier than any of the semesters before. With two lab courses in hands, homework seems like an infinity. Weekends become the busiest moments of the week, and life group on Wednesday becomes the best place to take a break. The first midterm passed a week ago. Turned out better than I expected. Indeed, in the midst of everything, God is always faithful. He is and will always be my provider. With that I stay contented.
Undergrad Retreat this year was themed Torrential. Let It Rain prayers were thrown up into heaven, and hands held tight together knowing that He always answers. It was great forming all the bonds in between life groups. Seeing how God transforms people is amazing. People coming to Christ is, I quote Pastor Seth, the greatest miracle on Earth. So many Chinese students came to know Christ. My heart was moved. Deeply. There is hope in China after all.
Malaysian government banned the use of the word "Allah" in the Christian newspaper "The Herald". Sounds ridiculous to me. We have used that word to refer to our God in Bahasa for so long. Sigh. This issue raised so many problems in Malaysia now. Hopefully things will settle down and people will be reunited again. I strongly believe God is transforming Malaysia still.
Last thing. I'm amazed by a girl that I recently got to know. She saw one of my photos on Facebook and asked if I used just a tripod or with a filter as well. Man, that has never happened before. I mean, there are a lot of good photographers in the church, but most of them focus more on portraits. I'm never a portrait photographer. But I love landscapes! And using ND filter to capture the flow of water...it is one of my fondest techniques. I've always found it fun to talk to anyone about photography, but this time something clicked in my heart. Chatting with that girl makes me realized the many similarities between us. Too many. And she gave me such a good first impression. Pastor Seth preached on a sermon related to Relationship right after I got to know that girl. It's so funny, but I always ask myself, how do I know when is God's timing? Weird as it is, I always hope that my wife in the future can be a person who has the same passion for photography, travelling, nature...etc. God, could this be the girl? Whatever it is, I pray that you help me to do things in a Godly way. Trim me and shape me to be a man of God. #More of You, Less of Me
So !gnite Conference was awesome. Met with so many people from HMCC Chicago and HMCC Austin. Serving during this conference was so intense, especially when the lighting was so fancy. Of course it looked nice, but taking photos was such a difficult job. Capturing precious moments in the dark...tough. But thank God it was a great Conference. Gained so much from it.
Summer was spent with church community. With nothing to do every day, I just walked around the campus and talking to random people that I know. Went to church almost every day to help with random things. Jogged with CSMP teams for a few times, and even played frisbee with Asia Mission Team once. Haha...such a chill and fun summer. Weather was great, pictures turned out awesome. Officially fallen in love with the community here.
Fall semester started before I realized it. Time passes too fast. Taking 14 credits seems so little, but it is crazier than any of the semesters before. With two lab courses in hands, homework seems like an infinity. Weekends become the busiest moments of the week, and life group on Wednesday becomes the best place to take a break. The first midterm passed a week ago. Turned out better than I expected. Indeed, in the midst of everything, God is always faithful. He is and will always be my provider. With that I stay contented.
Undergrad Retreat this year was themed Torrential. Let It Rain prayers were thrown up into heaven, and hands held tight together knowing that He always answers. It was great forming all the bonds in between life groups. Seeing how God transforms people is amazing. People coming to Christ is, I quote Pastor Seth, the greatest miracle on Earth. So many Chinese students came to know Christ. My heart was moved. Deeply. There is hope in China after all.
Malaysian government banned the use of the word "Allah" in the Christian newspaper "The Herald". Sounds ridiculous to me. We have used that word to refer to our God in Bahasa for so long. Sigh. This issue raised so many problems in Malaysia now. Hopefully things will settle down and people will be reunited again. I strongly believe God is transforming Malaysia still.
Last thing. I'm amazed by a girl that I recently got to know. She saw one of my photos on Facebook and asked if I used just a tripod or with a filter as well. Man, that has never happened before. I mean, there are a lot of good photographers in the church, but most of them focus more on portraits. I'm never a portrait photographer. But I love landscapes! And using ND filter to capture the flow of water...it is one of my fondest techniques. I've always found it fun to talk to anyone about photography, but this time something clicked in my heart. Chatting with that girl makes me realized the many similarities between us. Too many. And she gave me such a good first impression. Pastor Seth preached on a sermon related to Relationship right after I got to know that girl. It's so funny, but I always ask myself, how do I know when is God's timing? Weird as it is, I always hope that my wife in the future can be a person who has the same passion for photography, travelling, nature...etc. God, could this be the girl? Whatever it is, I pray that you help me to do things in a Godly way. Trim me and shape me to be a man of God. #More of You, Less of Me
Wednesday 26 June 2013
Back
Have been missing for some time. Not due to busyness, not due to overloaded work, not due to any significant reason, but merely the lack of interest and motivation to blog.
Spring semester is just over. It has been a really good semester. All assignments and no exam. Love this kind of life a lot actually. Two months full of paper-writing and photo-shooting. God knows how much time I have spent doing all these things. Got an A for my photography class. For once in my university life, I am not satisfied with an A. Maybe it's time to relearn the meaning of being contented.
!gnite Conference 2013 is just around the corner. The AV team rents a lot of fancy lights for the conference. Attached with this post is a photo showing how a part of the lights looks like.
Life in summer has been great so far. First day of summer, I had nothing to do. Ended up going to church at 9 a.m. to help build a signpost. Stayed in the church to help set up the lighting and stayed there until 3 p.m. Went to Landmark to plan a life group trip to Ohio and Kentucky with Joshua. After that, we went to Neo Papalis to eat pizza (20% of the profit that night goes to Asia Missions Team in HMCC). Went to church again for !gnite Prayer Gathering. Feel contented because initially I had a day with nothing to do. But I ended up doing so many things. And above all, it's more of Him, and less of me. Thank you God.
Today, I woke up at 6 a.m. Went to the church for morning prayer meeting. And guess what? Right after that, I ran 8 miles! 8 MILES! That is around 12.8 km. That is the longest run in my life. The greatest thing about that run is that I didn't stop. Broke a personal record yeah?
Excited about !gnite Conference. Meeting people from Austin and Chicago has been great so far. Looking forward to see more of Him, and less of me :)
Spring semester is just over. It has been a really good semester. All assignments and no exam. Love this kind of life a lot actually. Two months full of paper-writing and photo-shooting. God knows how much time I have spent doing all these things. Got an A for my photography class. For once in my university life, I am not satisfied with an A. Maybe it's time to relearn the meaning of being contented.
!gnite Conference 2013 is just around the corner. The AV team rents a lot of fancy lights for the conference. Attached with this post is a photo showing how a part of the lights looks like.
Life in summer has been great so far. First day of summer, I had nothing to do. Ended up going to church at 9 a.m. to help build a signpost. Stayed in the church to help set up the lighting and stayed there until 3 p.m. Went to Landmark to plan a life group trip to Ohio and Kentucky with Joshua. After that, we went to Neo Papalis to eat pizza (20% of the profit that night goes to Asia Missions Team in HMCC). Went to church again for !gnite Prayer Gathering. Feel contented because initially I had a day with nothing to do. But I ended up doing so many things. And above all, it's more of Him, and less of me. Thank you God.
Today, I woke up at 6 a.m. Went to the church for morning prayer meeting. And guess what? Right after that, I ran 8 miles! 8 MILES! That is around 12.8 km. That is the longest run in my life. The greatest thing about that run is that I didn't stop. Broke a personal record yeah?
Excited about !gnite Conference. Meeting people from Austin and Chicago has been great so far. Looking forward to see more of Him, and less of me :)
Thursday 4 April 2013
Good Friday / Baptism / Easter Celebration
The past two weeks were probably the most busy weeks in my life here so far. Spent so much time on doing videos for the church, but it turned out very rewarding. Such a blessing to see people being moved to tears watching it, and such a blessing to serve the Lord. Witnessed a lot of people getting baptized on Saturday. Listening to their so many different testimonies simply reconfirmed the greatness of our God. He works in every single possible way. Had two midterms right after Easter. I know I will do badly in both, but I don't and I can't blame Easter for that. I need to realize that there're things that are more important than my life - saving others. Check out the video! :)
Friday 29 March 2013
A Random Poem for Good Friday
Shame and pain,
He took it all;
fame and gain,
He gave us all.
"It is finished,"
He said on the cross;
his mission accomplished,
He is the Boss.
Why do you doubt?
You're no longer in debt.
Why do you doubt?
You're no longer chained.
He gave his life,
so we can have hope;
He gave his all,
so we can stand tall.
He deserves more,
Yet him we ignore,
He calls out to us,
We treat him like cactus.
Never has he let go,
However bad we messed up;
Never has he failed,
Whenever we need cheering up.
So come and embrace Him,
He the one who redeems;
So come and worship Him,
for He's the one who deems.
He took it all;
fame and gain,
He gave us all.
"It is finished,"
He said on the cross;
his mission accomplished,
He is the Boss.
Why do you doubt?
You're no longer in debt.
Why do you doubt?
You're no longer chained.
He gave his life,
so we can have hope;
He gave his all,
so we can stand tall.
He deserves more,
Yet him we ignore,
He calls out to us,
We treat him like cactus.
Never has he let go,
However bad we messed up;
Never has he failed,
Whenever we need cheering up.
So come and embrace Him,
He the one who redeems;
So come and worship Him,
for He's the one who deems.
Friday 8 March 2013
GA Retreat 2013 & Spring Break
Went to Global Access Retreat at the beginning of my Spring Break 2013, and it's...tiring, yet super rewarding. Met with a lot of people from HMCC Chicago, and they impressed me a lot, really. Maybe it's because the HMCC there started up small, so most of them needed to take up the leader roles. But really, their maturity in their faith impresses me a lot. It's great to be in the same group with some of them, as we shared about our lives and experienced God together. Retreats are just really nice. Chilling together as a church somewhere far away, with God's presence so real every single day. It's a bliss.
Spring break has been...food (good) to me. Spent all my days out in the Downtown and Kerry Town area, trying out all the good food. It's pricey, I know, but at least the next time someone comes to visit me, I can tell them, Ann Arbor is not really boring, we have some really nice food! Tried quite a few restaurants so far, and they are all really nice. It's a great feeling being able to chill for a week before stepping into the 2nd half of the semester. It's going to be torturous, I'm very confident about that. Sigh..I wonder if it's really worth it for me to stay up late every night just to finish all my academic-related work. Serving in DOCS adds another really big burden on my shoulders. I'm not working, but I feel like I'm busier than all the people in my house. What's wrong with my major, really? Gahhh...anyway, glad to be alive. Lol...too bad Spring break has come to an end. Better be prepared for the coming weeks. God bless me. Stay strong :)
Spring break has been...food (good) to me. Spent all my days out in the Downtown and Kerry Town area, trying out all the good food. It's pricey, I know, but at least the next time someone comes to visit me, I can tell them, Ann Arbor is not really boring, we have some really nice food! Tried quite a few restaurants so far, and they are all really nice. It's a great feeling being able to chill for a week before stepping into the 2nd half of the semester. It's going to be torturous, I'm very confident about that. Sigh..I wonder if it's really worth it for me to stay up late every night just to finish all my academic-related work. Serving in DOCS adds another really big burden on my shoulders. I'm not working, but I feel like I'm busier than all the people in my house. What's wrong with my major, really? Gahhh...anyway, glad to be alive. Lol...too bad Spring break has come to an end. Better be prepared for the coming weeks. God bless me. Stay strong :)
Tuesday 12 February 2013
The King of My Life
Every single time I get tired of my life, the best resort that I have is to turn to God. Listening to worship songs always, always give me that sense of peace, no matter where I am. However down I might be, that tangible touch of the Holy Spirit always energizes me in an amazing way. I'm so thankful to have made You the king of my life :)
Saturday 9 February 2013
A bothered Mind
4:09 a.m. Aiks, not sure if I have the energy to finish writing this, but things need to be explained. Found myself having a lot of problems interacting with girls, to be honest. Maybe it's my own fault. I've so far remained the same naive me, treating people of the opposite gender like how I used to back in high school. Things were so much simpler back then. We can be close while still remaining the status of close friends. Why can't it be the same now? Sigh... So I was close with a few girls. Texted a lot with them. It lasted for quite some time. Then I was approached by my two leaders regarding this issue. What I did after that was to treat them really cold, because I didn't really know what to do. I felt bad lately, and I tried to approach them in a friendly way, with the intention of merely trying to be friends again. Yet they gave me a really cold shoulder. Lol..I don't know what and where I did wrong, but I'm kind of bothered by this matter. Accountability in the church is a good thing, but sometimes I think it brings troubles to me too. I guess at the end of the day, I have to conclude that accountability applies to everyone in a different way. I reacted to my leaders' advice in a wrong way, treating those girls so differently without really explaining things clearly. One thing that I can't understand though, is that they are now reacting as if I'm pleading them to be my friends again. Lol..I feel so pathetic and funny at the same time. I have a lot of friends actually. I can be close to anyone if I want to. Somehow I just have that kind of ability. But I'm trying to balance things out, and not to spend too much time with the same people. That's to say, it doesn't really matter to me if I lose one or two friends. I mean, I would be really happy if we can forget the past and be friends again, but if you don't care, why should I? I feel so stupid saying sorry to you when I actually have done nothing wrong in the first place. Seriously? Ha. Ha.
There's one girl that's special though. Lol... I name her Girl A. The first time I met this girl in my life group, I told my friend Lee Sin, "Eh, that girl is so pretty." I seldom compliment a girl like that in my life, but when I do, I guess she's really pretty. And yes, the first time I met this girl, I thought, "Wow, this girl is beautiful in a very elegant way." She looks like a star to me. Haha..and she still does. Time passed, and our life group members got to know each other more and more. Somehow I got close to Girl A in a brother-and-sister-in-Christ-way, and I found her really interesting. Mature even though she's just 18 years old, disciplined, has her own thoughts and principles, sleeps early(something that I always fail to do), has a nice family background, etc...basically just a very nice girl. Or I would say, one of the few nearly perfect girls that I have met throughout my life. Then somehow I felt like she liked me, and there're a few people who asked me the same thing. I got scared. Not because of the lack of feelings for her or anything of that sort(I believe feelings can be nurtured), but because I think she's of a different league. Haha..a class higher than me. I don't know how to treat a girl like this. I feel like I don't deserve her treating me like this, and so, I resorted to the same way that I treated the other girls - I treated her a bit cold. I felt really bad actually, but I really didn't know what to do. Time passed. A lot of things happened. People changed. And now, I regretted treating those people the way that I treated them. I felt like my life is so messed up, especially in my relationships with people. Trying to reconcile is hard. Even trying to talk to them like friends is hard now, from the way that they respond. Haha..oh God, can I actually love people like how you ask me to? I don't know :(
It's Chinese New Year Eve. First time not being able to celebrate it at home with my family, I feel sad. I mean, who doesn't? Sigh..wish I knew how to teleport. Haha..
Valentine's day. Ooopss..gonna be dating my exam =.=
Deep inside, I wish one day, I can find a girl that is compatible with me. A girl that can do things together with me. Study, travel, take photos, hunt for nice food, jog together, cook together, talk together... Who will that girl be? Fill in the blank.
Happy Chinese New Year Eve :)
There's one girl that's special though. Lol... I name her Girl A. The first time I met this girl in my life group, I told my friend Lee Sin, "Eh, that girl is so pretty." I seldom compliment a girl like that in my life, but when I do, I guess she's really pretty. And yes, the first time I met this girl, I thought, "Wow, this girl is beautiful in a very elegant way." She looks like a star to me. Haha..and she still does. Time passed, and our life group members got to know each other more and more. Somehow I got close to Girl A in a brother-and-sister-in-Christ-way, and I found her really interesting. Mature even though she's just 18 years old, disciplined, has her own thoughts and principles, sleeps early(something that I always fail to do), has a nice family background, etc...basically just a very nice girl. Or I would say, one of the few nearly perfect girls that I have met throughout my life. Then somehow I felt like she liked me, and there're a few people who asked me the same thing. I got scared. Not because of the lack of feelings for her or anything of that sort(I believe feelings can be nurtured), but because I think she's of a different league. Haha..a class higher than me. I don't know how to treat a girl like this. I feel like I don't deserve her treating me like this, and so, I resorted to the same way that I treated the other girls - I treated her a bit cold. I felt really bad actually, but I really didn't know what to do. Time passed. A lot of things happened. People changed. And now, I regretted treating those people the way that I treated them. I felt like my life is so messed up, especially in my relationships with people. Trying to reconcile is hard. Even trying to talk to them like friends is hard now, from the way that they respond. Haha..oh God, can I actually love people like how you ask me to? I don't know :(
It's Chinese New Year Eve. First time not being able to celebrate it at home with my family, I feel sad. I mean, who doesn't? Sigh..wish I knew how to teleport. Haha..
Valentine's day. Ooopss..gonna be dating my exam =.=
Deep inside, I wish one day, I can find a girl that is compatible with me. A girl that can do things together with me. Study, travel, take photos, hunt for nice food, jog together, cook together, talk together... Who will that girl be? Fill in the blank.
Happy Chinese New Year Eve :)
Saturday 2 February 2013
Tired
I'm tired. So tired after taking photos for Ross Asia Business Conference. Had too little sleep in the past few days, added on by the fact that I was fasting for the past two weeks. Had a headache when I woke up this morning. Realized that it's Saturday and the first bus at the back of my house is at 8:45 a.m. I was supposed to reach at 8:30 a.m. Panicked. Checked online and found out that the first bus at Kroger, which is around 15 minutes walk from my house, is at 8:22 a.m. Rushed out of the house in my suit and black shoes, and started climbing the slope in front of my house. A slope covered with snow. My shoes had literally no friction in this kind of condition. Forced myself to crawl all the way up with my bare hands. Ended up with a pair of numb hands. So pathetic. Overall, it wasn't a very good day. Had dinner with life group. It's the last day of fasting, so we broke fast together. During sharing time, I just felt like my life has so many problems. I myself have so many problems. And I feel really worthless. Really tired. Tired of living. Sigh... God I need you. Revive me.
Friday 1 February 2013
First Time - Event Photographer
Went to Ross Asia Business Conference today. Held the position as an official Event Photographer for the first time in my life. Was a bit nervous at first, worrying that I might screw up. Thank God everything went smoothly, and after a while I managed to grasp the right ways and techniques of shooting in this kind of situation. Wish I could have a full frame DSLR and better lenses though. Anyway, it's really a learning process for me, and I kind of regretted not listening to the speaker as he talked. Seemed like he's quite a famous speaker. I only looked up whenever I heard the word "Malaysia". Haha..typical Malaysian. Gonna be a tiring day tomorrow. Day 2 of conference. God bless me.
Thursday 31 January 2013
Meeting Up, Messing Up
Met up with some American Asians today in Buffalo Wild Wings. Had a lot of boneless wings and some with bones. Went to Five Guys and had some fries with Ivan. Proceeded to Ben & Jerry to have ice cream after that. Came back to the Duderstadt Center with no specific purpose, but managed to finish part 1 of my ME 250 homework. Starting to like this course because of the design part, which is interesting and a bit challenging. This semester has been quite okay so far, with not much homework or rather, I managed to finish early. Hopefully it won't get too hectic in the coming future. Kind of being bothered by Sindy's matter lately. It has been a month, and yet people are still questioning her or me. No idea what all these people are up to. One thing that I don't like about the church, is how things pass around in the speed of light. Accountability is important, but I personally think that the focus of the accountability should be on God, and not to please man. Making assumptions is just not the right thing to do sometimes. Sigh... Hopefully I am doing the correct thing now. Please understand.
Wednesday 30 January 2013
Synchronizing My Heartbeats with God's
Came to realize that a lot of times, I've been lenient to myself. When my heart needs to be softened, I hold on and resist it. When my heart needs to be hardened, the other part of me just relents and refuses to cooperate. Yet I know that sometimes, things just need to be done. God I pray that you harden and soften my heart accordingly. Synchronize my heartbeats with yours, and let me live for your glory.
Tuesday 29 January 2013
Life is Like a Camera
Life is like a camera. Just focus on what is important and capture the good times, develop from the negatives and if things don't work out, just take another shot.
Sunday 27 January 2013
Meeting an American
Had a dinner with Kyle in a sit-down restaurant somewhere beyond Downtown, Ann Arbor tonight. This guy has been to more than 30 countries, went through more than 8 transitions in his life, and he lives to tell his story, impacting young lives as much as he can (he is just 25 years old this year).
I remember the first time I met him in a Church Congregational retreat, and he introduced himself to our life group. At the end of his introduction I looked around and found every one looking at him either with jaws opened or eyes blinking in disbelief. The things that he has gone through, probably only God and him himself know. The journey that he had gone through in his 25 years totally blew my mind off. Knowing more than 6 languages, having 8 or 9 close families, etc... all these things contribute to the unique mindset that he has, yet when he shares his story with other people, he is open and real.
One of the things that I learn from him, is that I really need to step out of my comfort zone and stop mingling with just Asians and Christians. There's no point of mixing around with Christians, when my purpose in life is to reach out to the lost souls out there. There is no point of mixing around with Asians, when I already understand a large portion of their cultures, norms, and beliefs. God planned for me to come to the USA for a purpose, and although I might not be able to see the whole picture of the plan, I know that one of the reasons for me to be here is to gain experience and open up my eyes that have been closed for the past 20 years. I was thrown a challenge to make American friends and to get to know them well in the next half year to come. I took the challenge with faith.
It was really an eye opener for me. I listened to his story about his past, about his childhood, and I learned that God gives, and God takes away. More than often we gain something, and at the same time we lose another. There is no fairness in life, no mercy in some human beings.Yet if we can take each hardship and turbulence as a learning process, we can really, really learn a lot in our lives. Study is important, but I came to realize that the experience here will probably be the most useful thing that I can gain throughout my three years of university life. Another thing is, I realized how much things that I can learn from a single dinner with someone. I can literally grasp a general picture of his life! I used to think that I need a lot of time to get to know someone's life, and I need to get really close for hearts to be opened. Yet the rendezvous shows me how easily people can share their stories, if one party decides and is willing to break down the barrier first. Here is to a great semester ahead. Life is but a learning process. Be tough, be strong, take a step out of your comfort zone, and the next thing you know, both of your feet are out. Take heart, and by faith, I can do all things through the Almighty One! :)
I remember the first time I met him in a Church Congregational retreat, and he introduced himself to our life group. At the end of his introduction I looked around and found every one looking at him either with jaws opened or eyes blinking in disbelief. The things that he has gone through, probably only God and him himself know. The journey that he had gone through in his 25 years totally blew my mind off. Knowing more than 6 languages, having 8 or 9 close families, etc... all these things contribute to the unique mindset that he has, yet when he shares his story with other people, he is open and real.
One of the things that I learn from him, is that I really need to step out of my comfort zone and stop mingling with just Asians and Christians. There's no point of mixing around with Christians, when my purpose in life is to reach out to the lost souls out there. There is no point of mixing around with Asians, when I already understand a large portion of their cultures, norms, and beliefs. God planned for me to come to the USA for a purpose, and although I might not be able to see the whole picture of the plan, I know that one of the reasons for me to be here is to gain experience and open up my eyes that have been closed for the past 20 years. I was thrown a challenge to make American friends and to get to know them well in the next half year to come. I took the challenge with faith.
It was really an eye opener for me. I listened to his story about his past, about his childhood, and I learned that God gives, and God takes away. More than often we gain something, and at the same time we lose another. There is no fairness in life, no mercy in some human beings.Yet if we can take each hardship and turbulence as a learning process, we can really, really learn a lot in our lives. Study is important, but I came to realize that the experience here will probably be the most useful thing that I can gain throughout my three years of university life. Another thing is, I realized how much things that I can learn from a single dinner with someone. I can literally grasp a general picture of his life! I used to think that I need a lot of time to get to know someone's life, and I need to get really close for hearts to be opened. Yet the rendezvous shows me how easily people can share their stories, if one party decides and is willing to break down the barrier first. Here is to a great semester ahead. Life is but a learning process. Be tough, be strong, take a step out of your comfort zone, and the next thing you know, both of your feet are out. Take heart, and by faith, I can do all things through the Almighty One! :)
Friday 25 January 2013
The Resolution in the Movie "Courageous"
THE RESOLUTION
I DO solemnly resolve before God to take full responsibility for myself, my wife, and my children.
I WILL love them, protect them, serve them, and teach them the Word of God as the spiritual leader of my home.
I WILL be faithful to my wife, to love and honor her, and be willing to lay down my life for her as Jesus Christ did for me.
I WILL bless my children and teach them to love God with all of their hearts, all of their minds, and all of their strength.
I WILL train them to honor authority and live responsibly.
I WILL confront evil, pursue justice, and love mercy.
I WILL pray for others and treat them with kindness, respect, and compassion.
I WILL work diligently to provide for the needs of my family.
I WILL forgive those who have wronged me and reconcile with those I have wronged.
I WILL learn from my mistakes, repent of my sins, and walk with integrity as a man answerable to God.
I WILL seek to honor God, be faithful to His church, obey His Word, and do His will.
I WILL courageously work with the strength God provides to fulfill this resolution for the rest of my life and for His glory.
As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord. ---Joshua 24:15
Late Night Blogging
Life, is hard. Life, is an experience. Nothing happens for no reason; this I realized as I slowly grew up. Be it success or failure, up or down, it happens with a purpose, and once you realize the purpose, that's the moment when you lift your hands up and give thanks for everything that has happened.
I grew up, a cheerful, naughty, carefree boy. Somehow things changed, and I, I changed. From that naive little boy to a sentimental, emotional young man. It's weird I know, but that's who I am today, at this moment, and I don't see the point of hiding my personality, my identity. Some might like it, some might loathe it, some might find it interesting, some might find it disgusting; I don't really care. This is who I am, accept me, or leave me. Simple, not complicated.
Certain things in my life have taken a toll on me. Yet certain people in my life have helped me to pick myself up and carry on. And recently, I realized one of my greatest weaknesses, is that I attach my feelings easily. And although a man I am, I feel insecure easily. I can never be too close with a girl without developing feelings for her. In fact, I realized most guys are in a similar situation. It's a struggle, yes it's hard. Not long ago, the pastor in my church talked about honoring the sisters in church, of how we as brothers should treat them. Accountability is a big thing in my church, and I have been reminded more than twice about the mistakes that I have made here and there. I would say that in this case, accountability plays a really big role in correcting myself and keeping myself on the right path.
Always, it's difficult to accept certain things and take them as experiences. It's always easy to complaint, to lament, to indulge in self-pity and pushing oneself down the deepest pit hole in one's life. Yet there are people out there who care. And as I pick myself up again and again, I realize the changes that take place on myself after every fall. I am forced to conclude that, God breaks us for a reason - to make us stronger and better, to teach us to put hope in Him instead of man, and to give the glory to him no matter what circumstances we might be in.
God I might be weak, but You are strong. God I might be a nobody, but God, You are God. In You I find peace, through You I can do anything. In You I see hope, through You I embrace sufferings. Break me. Shape me. Let the metamorphosis that takes place on me transform me from inside out, and may I be the light and salt on this earth, to bring glory to you, forever and amen.
What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? ~Romans 8:31
I grew up, a cheerful, naughty, carefree boy. Somehow things changed, and I, I changed. From that naive little boy to a sentimental, emotional young man. It's weird I know, but that's who I am today, at this moment, and I don't see the point of hiding my personality, my identity. Some might like it, some might loathe it, some might find it interesting, some might find it disgusting; I don't really care. This is who I am, accept me, or leave me. Simple, not complicated.
Certain things in my life have taken a toll on me. Yet certain people in my life have helped me to pick myself up and carry on. And recently, I realized one of my greatest weaknesses, is that I attach my feelings easily. And although a man I am, I feel insecure easily. I can never be too close with a girl without developing feelings for her. In fact, I realized most guys are in a similar situation. It's a struggle, yes it's hard. Not long ago, the pastor in my church talked about honoring the sisters in church, of how we as brothers should treat them. Accountability is a big thing in my church, and I have been reminded more than twice about the mistakes that I have made here and there. I would say that in this case, accountability plays a really big role in correcting myself and keeping myself on the right path.
Always, it's difficult to accept certain things and take them as experiences. It's always easy to complaint, to lament, to indulge in self-pity and pushing oneself down the deepest pit hole in one's life. Yet there are people out there who care. And as I pick myself up again and again, I realize the changes that take place on myself after every fall. I am forced to conclude that, God breaks us for a reason - to make us stronger and better, to teach us to put hope in Him instead of man, and to give the glory to him no matter what circumstances we might be in.
God I might be weak, but You are strong. God I might be a nobody, but God, You are God. In You I find peace, through You I can do anything. In You I see hope, through You I embrace sufferings. Break me. Shape me. Let the metamorphosis that takes place on me transform me from inside out, and may I be the light and salt on this earth, to bring glory to you, forever and amen.
What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? ~Romans 8:31
Thursday 24 January 2013
A Random Poem
She stood here,
in the cold.
"I'll be there,"
she was told.
Out of nowhere,
hearts went cold.
Tears everywhere,
her trust sold.
Hope's everywhere,
will you be bold?
"Are you sincere,
or is that another blindfold?"
I promise you dear,
before you grow old,
if you persevere,
the truth will unfold.
I'll love you,
many, many fold.
Wrote a random poem at 3 a.m. No idea where the inspiration came from :P
in the cold.
"I'll be there,"
she was told.
Out of nowhere,
hearts went cold.
Tears everywhere,
her trust sold.
Hope's everywhere,
will you be bold?
"Are you sincere,
or is that another blindfold?"
I promise you dear,
before you grow old,
if you persevere,
the truth will unfold.
I'll love you,
many, many fold.
Wrote a random poem at 3 a.m. No idea where the inspiration came from :P
Wednesday 23 January 2013
Waiting
A lot of times, I'm not sure if the effort that I put in is worth it or not. But I guess the day will come when I will know, and until then, I just need to hold on.
Thursday 17 January 2013
A Broken Heart
It has been a while. And somehow I let the history repeat. Two people have succeeded in doing this to me. Only two. And you're one of them. Good job.
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