A video worth watching and reflecting upon.
Thursday 22 May 2014
Reverse Culture Shock
It has been a while since I last wrote something that actually went through my head carefully. Not the kind of post on Facebook that just popped in and out of my mind like a passing wind.
It has been 2 years. I couldn't clearly remember the reason I decided to come home this time. Is it just because I wanted to surprise my parents? If so, I think I've done a great job. They're pretty shocked.
As for me, I received a shock too. Something people called "reverse culture shock".
I couldn't get used to the Malaysian-accent-filled English. I didn't realized how strong our accent and slang are. Have I been Americanized in such a short time? I refuse to believe that. Yet I can't deny the fact that I laughed at their accent when I heard some people speaking English at my hometown. Wasn't I one of them two years ago? Even the mandarin here sounds a bit weird. I guess I spent too much time with Chinese from mainland China.
I couldn't get used to the weather here. Taking four showers a day doesn't seem to make things better. My body is always sticky; uncomfortable. Temperatures are high, humidity likewise. Missing the weather in Ann Arbor; cold, but at least I don't sweat and get sticky. Besides, I could always wear a few extra layers of clothes.
I couldn't get used to my home church. To think that I've spent almost my entire life growing up under the influence of this church, I feel really bad for being judgmental now. People stand when they're asked to, raise their hands when they're asked to, read out loud when they're asked to. At HMCC Ann Arbor we're taught not to be legalistic, to worship freely, and to pray fervently. I couldn't do it here at my home church. Yes I'm taught to be secure in Christ, to be shameless for Him; but I'm pretty sure people will turn all their attention to me if I stand up or say amen when the pastor is preaching. Prayer gathering seems so rushed, and worship seems to focus so much on the voice performance. I have to keep reminding myself: languages and styles might be different, but I worship the same God there and here. Please forgive my judgments. It takes time to adapt.
I couldn't get used to the prices of things here. Certain things are so cheap compared to those in the US, while others are ridiculously expensive. Food seems so cheap when I convert the price to US currency. So I ended up eating a lot and paying a lot without feeling guilty. When I saw the prices of houses and cars though, I was shocked. It wasn't this expensive the last I remembered. Cars in the US are so cheap. And they're good. I couldn't find a single Mazda 6 in my hometown, but I see it everywhere in Ann Arbor. I'm forced to accept the fact that the living standard in Malaysia is not as high as that in the States.
I couldn't get used to the way people drive here. It seems like the lines on the road are there for nothing. Cars can cross three lanes at once as long as there's no accident. No one stops at the "stop" sign. Yellow on the traffic light is a sign to speed up.
I couldn't get used to a lot of miscellaneous things here. The internet, for example, is a lot slower than that in the US. Here, people download; streaming online isn't as common. Here, people drink tea; drinking coffee isn't as common. Here, people hang out at kopitiams; Starbucks? No Starbucks at my hometown. Here, people spend their free time at shopping malls. Three out of the ten largest shopping malls in the world are found in Malaysia. And I heard another mall bigger than the largest one now is under construction. In the US, shopping malls are only found in big cities. And they are just shopping malls, not mega malls.
The only things I don't need time to get accustomed to are my family and the food. The rest of the things make me feel like I no longer belong here. It definitely leads to some confusion and internal struggles. What is my calling? Should I stay in the US or not? If yes, how long should I stay? If no, where should I go? Questions after questions swarm my mind, and I couldn't find any answer to them. One thing I'm sure of, is that if God has led me thus far, He will surely lead me on. As to where, what, when, who and how, that's up to Him. He calls, I follow. May I truly learn how to be a follower of Christ - to stand firm on my faith and stay true to my heart.
Whatever circumstances that come my way, You are greater.
I couldn't get used to the way people drive here. It seems like the lines on the road are there for nothing. Cars can cross three lanes at once as long as there's no accident. No one stops at the "stop" sign. Yellow on the traffic light is a sign to speed up.
I couldn't get used to a lot of miscellaneous things here. The internet, for example, is a lot slower than that in the US. Here, people download; streaming online isn't as common. Here, people drink tea; drinking coffee isn't as common. Here, people hang out at kopitiams; Starbucks? No Starbucks at my hometown. Here, people spend their free time at shopping malls. Three out of the ten largest shopping malls in the world are found in Malaysia. And I heard another mall bigger than the largest one now is under construction. In the US, shopping malls are only found in big cities. And they are just shopping malls, not mega malls.
The only things I don't need time to get accustomed to are my family and the food. The rest of the things make me feel like I no longer belong here. It definitely leads to some confusion and internal struggles. What is my calling? Should I stay in the US or not? If yes, how long should I stay? If no, where should I go? Questions after questions swarm my mind, and I couldn't find any answer to them. One thing I'm sure of, is that if God has led me thus far, He will surely lead me on. As to where, what, when, who and how, that's up to Him. He calls, I follow. May I truly learn how to be a follower of Christ - to stand firm on my faith and stay true to my heart.
Whatever circumstances that come my way, You are greater.
Saturday 1 March 2014
GA Retreat 2014 - Unstoppable
Coming into this retreat feeling exhausted; spiritually, physically, mentally, and psychologically. Not really sure how God is going to work, but looking back at my life, I'm amazed at how far I've come, and if it's not because of His grace, I wouldn't be here. There're so many questions in my head still, and I'm not sure if God is going to answer them. Saying "God is good" is easy. Believing and living that out is hard. Acting spiritually healthy is easy. Being spiritually well is hard. Saying "God, I surrender" is easy. To surrender totally is hard. At this point, I'm lost in my own world and my self-generated problems. But I've no other options, so I choose to trust. Trust in God's will; trust in His plan. Trust in His goodness, embrace His majesty. God, may You work, and may You be Unstoppable.
Thursday 20 February 2014
Thursday 6 February 2014
Trust God, Get Going
2014 started off with the wrong rhythm. First, I messed up a friendship that I treasured a lot. Until a point when that person asked me, "What is wrong with you?"
My life group leader once told me that I should never use that phrase on any girl. I disregarded his advice and told him I'm always joking when I say that, and that most people can take it. I never expected a day when I can be hurt so much by a phrase which I always jokingly use. Fury filled my heart for that one second, followed by immense sorrow and disappointment. To think of all the things that I've done and sacrificed with or without that person's knowledge, I wonder why I was so stupid to care so much. Perhaps God wants to teach me the meaning of unconditional love? I'm lost.
Prayers after prayers went unanswered. Still unanswered. My faith has never been shaken ever since the day I proclaimed Jesus as my Lord and Savior. While it's true that sometimes I doubt His timing, I've never failed to believe that God is good and He will provide. Yet somehow this time, somewhere in the midst of all the mess, I doubt if God really knows what is best for me. The crazy homework at school doesn't help at all in my situation. Tonight I told my life group leader, I'm really tired. Life group has become a routine for me, I don't know where I'm going. Life is a mess. I'm lost. Really lost this time. Lost my purpose, lost my motivation in studying, lost my eagerness to build friendships, lost my heart to care and love people.
I once told myself to let go, and to let God. Someone told me something different - Trust God, Get Going. Indeed, I don't know where I will end up at, who I will end up with, or what kind of life I will end up having. I realized trusting God and obeying God are two very different things. Right now I don't have a lot of wishes. I only hope I can have that childlike faith again. God, if You're listening, teach me how to love You once again. If I managed to do it before, I can do it again.
My life group leader once told me that I should never use that phrase on any girl. I disregarded his advice and told him I'm always joking when I say that, and that most people can take it. I never expected a day when I can be hurt so much by a phrase which I always jokingly use. Fury filled my heart for that one second, followed by immense sorrow and disappointment. To think of all the things that I've done and sacrificed with or without that person's knowledge, I wonder why I was so stupid to care so much. Perhaps God wants to teach me the meaning of unconditional love? I'm lost.
Prayers after prayers went unanswered. Still unanswered. My faith has never been shaken ever since the day I proclaimed Jesus as my Lord and Savior. While it's true that sometimes I doubt His timing, I've never failed to believe that God is good and He will provide. Yet somehow this time, somewhere in the midst of all the mess, I doubt if God really knows what is best for me. The crazy homework at school doesn't help at all in my situation. Tonight I told my life group leader, I'm really tired. Life group has become a routine for me, I don't know where I'm going. Life is a mess. I'm lost. Really lost this time. Lost my purpose, lost my motivation in studying, lost my eagerness to build friendships, lost my heart to care and love people.
I once told myself to let go, and to let God. Someone told me something different - Trust God, Get Going. Indeed, I don't know where I will end up at, who I will end up with, or what kind of life I will end up having. I realized trusting God and obeying God are two very different things. Right now I don't have a lot of wishes. I only hope I can have that childlike faith again. God, if You're listening, teach me how to love You once again. If I managed to do it before, I can do it again.
Sunday 12 January 2014
2014 | New Year Re-Solution
I can come up with more than a dozen things to accomplish in the new year, but Proverbs 16:9 (NIV) says "In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps."
That being said, I can plan as far ahead as I can, but if God is not willing, all my plans will be in vain.
2014. May it be a year that I can learn how to be the electrons around the protons, constantly revolving and making God the center of my life. Every decision, may it be after His will, following His way.
"...so as to live for the rest of the time in the flesh no longer for human passions but for the will of God." ~1 Peter 4:2 (ESV)
That being said, I can plan as far ahead as I can, but if God is not willing, all my plans will be in vain.
2014. May it be a year that I can learn how to be the electrons around the protons, constantly revolving and making God the center of my life. Every decision, may it be after His will, following His way.
"...so as to live for the rest of the time in the flesh no longer for human passions but for the will of God." ~1 Peter 4:2 (ESV)
Friday 3 January 2014
2013 | Reflection
A year has passed. A year full of mistakes and rebukes and growth and transformation. And right now I'm sitting in a coffee shop with my spiritual brother, reflecting on the things that have taken place in 2013 and the lessons we have gained from them.
Things that I'm thankful for:
1. I'm improving in terms of academics.
- When I first came to the United States, I took things too lightly. Growing up being a smart kid, I thought I would remain outstanding throughout my life. God humbled me with my bad results during my first semester. Yet by God's grace, I somehow managed to pass all my courses no matter how bad I did in the exams. God has shown me His provision is enough for me. 2013 has been good. At least I managed my time better than before. Didn't focus that much in my study to be honest, but God has blessed me with better results. I am thankful.
2. I'm improving in terms my relationships with people.
- Relationships with my family has always been fine. Even though I don't contact my parents that much (maybe once in a week or two), we know that we love each other and we will be there for each other through thick and thin. Throughout 2013, my parents and I are able to express our love more openly. Thanks to Facebook for all the smileys, we now end our conversations mostly with <3 and :). Love language used to be rare in my house. God has been transforming my family slowly. I am thankful.
- Relationships with friends have been good. Met a lot of new people and formed a lot of friendships in the church. Community is starting to play a bigger role in my life. I used to be quite an introvert. Now I can say, I can't live without a community. University life would have been so much different without the community in HMCC. God has provided me with great brothers and friends in Christ. I am thankful.
- Relationship with God has not been growing too much to be honest. I didn't have the motivation or discipline to read His words every day. I wish I can memorize more bible verses. I wish I can know Him more and more each day. I see how faithful God has been in my life though. He has blessed me with a church that reminds me of His words every now and then, and He has given me a life group leader that constantly reminds me to read His words. I am thankful.
- Among all the relationships that are formed in 2013, I want to thank God for bringing me another relationship that is somehow complicated. A girl that is obedient to God's plan and fearful of Him. Even though it's challenging to wait for His timing and answer, God has taught me so many things through this friendship. Patience, wisdom, and obedience. Whatever His answer is, I am thankful.
3. I'm thankful to have a brother in Christ whom I can share my problems and life with.
- I became really close with Joshua. We decided to meet up once a week just to catch up with one another. I randomly asked him to be my discipler, but he just asked me to pray about it. God hasn't really answered my prayer, so right now we just meet up as an unofficial Life Change Group (LCG). It was really good to have an older brother there to listen to you and to guide you with his opinions. Even though we don't always agree on everything, at least we find joy in growing in our lives together. He taught me a lot of things and showed me different perspectives in some areas. I am thankful.
4. I'm thankful to be an international student.
- Being an international student, I travel a lot. When I look at my American friends, I feel really glad to be an international student. So far I've traveled to around 14 States out of the 50 States in the United States. God has shown me amazing landscapes, culture and people in all these places. I fell in love with traveling. The numerous road trips in 2013 have been fruitful in building bonds and relationships. I got to know so many people in a deeper level. Looking forward to the following breaks and the many awesome trips to come. I am thankful.
5. I'm thankful for the church.
- God has transformed my life through HMCC. I can't deny the fact that life in the USA is better than the life back in Malaysia. Yet if HMCC did not come into my life here, I doubt that the sentence above will stand through. God has placed so many people from HMCC in my life, and their impacts and influences are huge. I wouldn't be that fervent in serving God if they have not shown me the fruits of serving. I found a great joy in serving the Lord with the brothers and sisters in Christ. Especially in DOCS, when I get to do what I like - photography. Teaching and helping people to improve in their skills are both humbling and interesting. I really gained a lot from my time of serving in DOCS. Docs for Life. I am thankful.
6. I'm thankful for my siblings.
- I used to be really outstanding even among my siblings. But now that I look at them, I feel so small. My oldest sister is trying hard to cure patients in the hospital. Looking at how dedicated she is and how much effort she is putting into her work, I can feel her passion to help the needy and the helpless. My second sister is trying so hard to be a good teacher to her students. Being a student myself, I understand how hard it is for a teacher to teach sometimes, especially when the students are naughty. Looking at how she has the motivation to pursue a Master in Education while teaching is even more touching. My brother is climbing up so fast in whatever he is doing. Looking at his life, I have to say, God is really blessing him for what he has been doing all this while - serving Him. I see how when my brother seeks His kingdom and righteousness, God blesses him with all that he needs and even more. Seeing the impact that he is leaving both in his company and the society and community that he is in, I really look up to him. God has really blessed my family. I am thankful.
Throughout 2013, there are too many things to be thankful for. I wouldn't be able to list them all. In fact, I don't think I can remember all of them. I am really glad for all the things that God has provided for me, and I am thankful for even the troubles in my life, for without them, I wouldn't have grown this much. To cap 2013 off, it has been an amazing journey with God and His people, and I look forward to another awesome year ahead. 2014. May I be obedient to His words and learn to listen to His voice :)
Things that I'm thankful for:
1. I'm improving in terms of academics.
- When I first came to the United States, I took things too lightly. Growing up being a smart kid, I thought I would remain outstanding throughout my life. God humbled me with my bad results during my first semester. Yet by God's grace, I somehow managed to pass all my courses no matter how bad I did in the exams. God has shown me His provision is enough for me. 2013 has been good. At least I managed my time better than before. Didn't focus that much in my study to be honest, but God has blessed me with better results. I am thankful.
2. I'm improving in terms my relationships with people.
- Relationships with my family has always been fine. Even though I don't contact my parents that much (maybe once in a week or two), we know that we love each other and we will be there for each other through thick and thin. Throughout 2013, my parents and I are able to express our love more openly. Thanks to Facebook for all the smileys, we now end our conversations mostly with <3 and :). Love language used to be rare in my house. God has been transforming my family slowly. I am thankful.
- Relationships with friends have been good. Met a lot of new people and formed a lot of friendships in the church. Community is starting to play a bigger role in my life. I used to be quite an introvert. Now I can say, I can't live without a community. University life would have been so much different without the community in HMCC. God has provided me with great brothers and friends in Christ. I am thankful.
- Relationship with God has not been growing too much to be honest. I didn't have the motivation or discipline to read His words every day. I wish I can memorize more bible verses. I wish I can know Him more and more each day. I see how faithful God has been in my life though. He has blessed me with a church that reminds me of His words every now and then, and He has given me a life group leader that constantly reminds me to read His words. I am thankful.
- Among all the relationships that are formed in 2013, I want to thank God for bringing me another relationship that is somehow complicated. A girl that is obedient to God's plan and fearful of Him. Even though it's challenging to wait for His timing and answer, God has taught me so many things through this friendship. Patience, wisdom, and obedience. Whatever His answer is, I am thankful.
3. I'm thankful to have a brother in Christ whom I can share my problems and life with.
- I became really close with Joshua. We decided to meet up once a week just to catch up with one another. I randomly asked him to be my discipler, but he just asked me to pray about it. God hasn't really answered my prayer, so right now we just meet up as an unofficial Life Change Group (LCG). It was really good to have an older brother there to listen to you and to guide you with his opinions. Even though we don't always agree on everything, at least we find joy in growing in our lives together. He taught me a lot of things and showed me different perspectives in some areas. I am thankful.
4. I'm thankful to be an international student.
- Being an international student, I travel a lot. When I look at my American friends, I feel really glad to be an international student. So far I've traveled to around 14 States out of the 50 States in the United States. God has shown me amazing landscapes, culture and people in all these places. I fell in love with traveling. The numerous road trips in 2013 have been fruitful in building bonds and relationships. I got to know so many people in a deeper level. Looking forward to the following breaks and the many awesome trips to come. I am thankful.
5. I'm thankful for the church.
- God has transformed my life through HMCC. I can't deny the fact that life in the USA is better than the life back in Malaysia. Yet if HMCC did not come into my life here, I doubt that the sentence above will stand through. God has placed so many people from HMCC in my life, and their impacts and influences are huge. I wouldn't be that fervent in serving God if they have not shown me the fruits of serving. I found a great joy in serving the Lord with the brothers and sisters in Christ. Especially in DOCS, when I get to do what I like - photography. Teaching and helping people to improve in their skills are both humbling and interesting. I really gained a lot from my time of serving in DOCS. Docs for Life. I am thankful.
6. I'm thankful for my siblings.
- I used to be really outstanding even among my siblings. But now that I look at them, I feel so small. My oldest sister is trying hard to cure patients in the hospital. Looking at how dedicated she is and how much effort she is putting into her work, I can feel her passion to help the needy and the helpless. My second sister is trying so hard to be a good teacher to her students. Being a student myself, I understand how hard it is for a teacher to teach sometimes, especially when the students are naughty. Looking at how she has the motivation to pursue a Master in Education while teaching is even more touching. My brother is climbing up so fast in whatever he is doing. Looking at his life, I have to say, God is really blessing him for what he has been doing all this while - serving Him. I see how when my brother seeks His kingdom and righteousness, God blesses him with all that he needs and even more. Seeing the impact that he is leaving both in his company and the society and community that he is in, I really look up to him. God has really blessed my family. I am thankful.
Throughout 2013, there are too many things to be thankful for. I wouldn't be able to list them all. In fact, I don't think I can remember all of them. I am really glad for all the things that God has provided for me, and I am thankful for even the troubles in my life, for without them, I wouldn't have grown this much. To cap 2013 off, it has been an amazing journey with God and His people, and I look forward to another awesome year ahead. 2014. May I be obedient to His words and learn to listen to His voice :)
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