Who Am I?

For a long long time, I have been searching for my identity without even realizing that I am doing it. For years, I have lived my life doing things and being a person that I don't even know of. But when realization hits me hard in my face, I know how great a person I can be, if I want to be.

Studying sociology can spark my imagination. My thoughts. When role play comes into my mind, I thought of myself as a spark. A spark that ignites people's lives.

I am a son of God. I am a son of my parents. A student. A brother. A friend. An artist. A photographer. A mechanical engineer to be. A listener. An observer. A gamer. A badminton player. A futsal player. A basketball player. A church member. A Facebook active member. A reader. A dreamer. A late night blogger.  Once a boyfriend. Now a stranger. Once a hater. Now a lover. Once a naughty little boy. Now a mature young man. Sometimes I have multiple roles, but I guess I cope well.

Every single day, I am doing something. If I manage to learn a craft or a skill per day, in one year I will be able to master 365 skills. If I watch a movie per day, I will be able to learn 365 lessons in life. But of course, some movies have nothing worth to learn. If, and only if. Yes, I am a dreamer. But I also live my dreams, like there is no tomorrow. Once a thinker, always a thinker.

There are things that are meant to be let go. I now understand. It doesn't mean like if you hold on to it, it will be yours. If it wants to be set free, it's always better to have it its way. There won't be much difference, just the feelings. And that doesn't matter as well I guess. At the end of the day, a person might just be a visitor in your life, and sooner or later you will find someone who is willing to stay forever, not just rent the house, but buy it, and invest in it, like there is no other.

This semester is so free. I came to realize that I have practically wasted every single day in this semester, except from the trip to Cameron. But at least I chat with people. I share my thoughts, I counseled a number of people. Having no Campus Alive meeting is just so terrible. I feel like I am doing nothing in God's ministry. Reaching out to people is so hard. But by God's grace, I will always try. Yeap, be optimistic.

I don't know why I am sleeping so late nowadays. 3 a.m. seems early to me. Sleep at 5, wake up at 3 p.m. Weird. Something wrong with my body clock? But I think I can sleep if I want to. Sigh...guess that being awake in the morning doesn't feel that good. So might as well just be awake when there is no people around. That way, I can do anything, post anything, say anything I like. I smurfing love you and miss you now :')

Well, I don't know what I am crapping now. Just typing non-stop. I think I can be a writer too. Oh yeah, write about some life experiences of mine that no one has ever had. I once wrote my life experience, but that story will remain with someone else. Who will I write it to next time? Hopefully the next time, will also be my last time. It's so hard to recall all those memories hidden in the deepest corners in my brain. God knows how difficult it is to lie down and thinking hard about the past. But sometimes, I guess things that I do, are not really worth it. Sometimes I feel like I wasted my time, but well, I guess it will prove itself a right thing to do one day. I hope.

Time flies. August is gonna be here real soon. How will the place I head off to be? How are the people there? No idea. But I guess it will be a brand new experience. I have a feeling that I will be really, really busy. Hopefully I can steal some time to chill out somewhere isolated. With some close friends? Haha, gonna have some nice days ahead. Chicago, LA, New York... Places that I want to visit. Better don't get culture shock though. Weeee~

Took a great photo in my trip to Cameron Highlands. One of my best shots anyway. Not just the timing, but also the meaning behind. A caterpillar, and a butterfly. I remembered I used the metamorphosis of a caterpillar in my first introductory speech in INTEC. The change. The transformation. Throughout my life, I slowly realize that life is not so much about the destination. It's the journey that counts. It's not about the end products. It's about the process. The ongoing process, as we learn and absorb, as we see and listen, as we appreciate everyone that is around us. Parents, friends. Even enemies. The transformation when you get to let go of all your hatred. All your sorrow. All your worries. You know that you're flying. How do I know? Because I am flying high now :)